FACING DIFFICULT EMOTIONS – Dedicated to Twinkie 2009-2022

I started this blog post regarding difficult emotions a couple of weeks ago. We’re all going through the ringer right now.

Collectively and individually, we’re being faced with difficult emotions such as sadness, rage, injustice, fear, lack of control, confusion, uncertainty, censorship and so much more.

DIFFICULT EMOTIONS - MY PERSONAL JOURNEY

Shortly after starting this post, I was faced with my own personal difficult emotions of sadness and denial followed by quaking grief. I am still not through processing.

As you have noticed, this post is dedicated to Twinkie. Chihuahua, 13 years old, 4 pounds. She was my touchstone. My comfort.

That being said, my journey with dealing with these difficult emotions began a few weeks ago and actually started not with Twinkie, but with her soulmate, Milo.

Twinkie and Genn

MILO aka MOMO

MIlo aka Momo

Milo (who we lovingly call Momo) was also born in 2009, also a chihuahua. Milo and Twinkie were inseparable.

Twinkie loved Momo from day one.

Momo has cancer, difficult to completely remove surgically. We took him to the vet last week regarding (more) fast growing lumps.

He’s already had three difficult surgeries, so we made the impossible decision to let nature take its course.

When the time comes (and it doesn’t look like it will be long) we will help him to cross over.

Needless to say, we are saddened by (but agree with) the vet’s recommendation. We plan to make Momo’s remaining time here comfortable by spoiling him mightily with treats and love (even more than usual, if that is possible).

RETURNING TO WHAT HAPPENED TO TWINKIE

The day after Momo’s vet appointment, sweet little Twinkie started showing signs of being unwell. Of course, it was the weekend and the vet was closed.

I spent the weekend speaking to her soul, nursing her with sugar water through a syringe and employing all the energy medicine we had at our disposal.
 

Monday morning, rather than treatment, we were given the news that Twink was in end-stage kidney failure and there was simply nothing that could be done to turn it around.

We made the heart-crushing decision to help her to the other side and to relieve her suffering.

Twink and Mo

THE DIFFICULT EMOTIONS OF GRIEF AND SADNESS

difficult emotions

Enter grief.

Thick, sticky, black sorrow and sadness.

The difficult emotions we were going through with Momo became solidified in the reality that Twinkie was gone and Momo is soon to follow.

So many people I know personally are dealing with grief.

The impossible personal grief of losing loved-ones, the grief we all feel collectively with what has been occurring these past two years and the grief we feel for those suffering in the Ukraine and elsewhere in the world.

WHY NOW, WHY TWINKIE?

I believe Twinkie chose her transition at this time in order to help me to process the grief I have. (Thank you, Twinkie)

Not just the grief over losing her (and soon Momo), but the grief of a lifetime. Sadness supressed and tears uncried.

I’ve been back and forth all week. From the quicksand of unbearable sadness to the hollow emptiness of loss.

Missing reaching for my 4 pounds of warm loving cuddles when I am feeling lost. Where has my comfort gone? So many difficult emotions.

I am doing my best to process ALL the grief that comes up.

Not just the grief of losing my Twink, and seeing a declining Momo, but also the grief I pushed aside and chose not to look at or to acknowledge over the years.

It hasn’t been fun or easy.

I do know it is necessary.

Twinkie in Bee Costume

HEALING THE COLLECTIVE BY FIRST HEALING OURSELVES

physician heal thyself

Why am I telling you about all these difficult emotions I’ve been going through? Why share so deeply?

I’ve come to realize more and more as we go through this difficult phase of ascension is that the best way we can heal the collective (aka the world) is to first heal ourselves.

Even though the scope is much broader, it somehow seems easier to worry about “what’s going on out there” than “what’s going on in here”.

We are a fragment of the macrocosm, so by healing all the fragments (no matter how minute), eventually we will see the change (of our healed selves) reflected in the outer world.

WHAT WE'RE TAUGHT ABOUT DIFFICULT EMOTIONS

We’re taught (encouraged) not to look at emotions that are uncomfortable.

We’re encouraged to push away difficult emotions (“get over it”, “walk it off”, “smile, you’ll feel better”, “don’t cry”, “many people have it worse than you”…)

We’re taught to “rage against the machine” – because the “cause” is “out there” (not inside).

We’re told we are “just one person” so how can we make a difference?

We’re encouraged to turn our focus to the outer strife and turmoil but we are rarely encouraged to look within.

I think this is by design, so that we WON’T be able to effect change (by looking inward).

The “powers that be” are aware that our power lies in first healing ourselves so they have distracted us to look elsewhere.

Therefore, we are encouraged to look anywhere but in.

difficult emotions blaming others

DIFFICULT EMOTIONS AND SUFFERING IS EVERYWHERE

difficult emotions offering to help

It hasn’t escaped me that people are suffering.

Greatly.

There is war and turmoil and external threats to existence.

People are leaving this world en masse.

I’m certainly not the only person suffering, and I am aware that my loss pales in comparison to other losses in the grander scheme of things.

CAN THE ANSWER REALLY BE WITHIN?

I get it and I understand what a slap in the face it might seem (suggesting to look within) to those intimately being threatened by the external.

Certainly I’m not suggesting that if your life is in danger to only “look within” or that you shouldn’t take external action.

However, there are many of us on the periphery, sitting in anxiety and cloaked in a feeling of helplessness.

This is for those of us who wish to render assistance to the people who we see suffering.

I am offering the suggestion of healing ourselves to ease the external suffering we see. Food for thought.

Here’s an article about the excellent Buddhist practice of Lojong. (Utilizing our difficulties and problems to awaken our hearts).

HOW DIFFICULT EMOTIONS LOOK IN THE EXTERNAL

Look to how the external conflicts are mirrored within yourself.

Are there ways in which you are rigid or demand to have your way (no matter the cost)?

Are there pieces of you who are prejudiced against this way of being or that?

Do you react in judgement, with anger or self-righteous indignation?

Do you automatically believe the narrative we are being shown? This leader “good”, that leader “bad” – this group of people “good” that group “bad”?

Have you suppressed your tears, your sadness, your impossible emotions?

Do you avoid the difficult emotions when you are faced with them rather than acknowledging and feeling them?

difficult emotions Mirrored

HEALING THE COLLECTIVE STARTS WITHIN

Step back and see if there are areas within that you have been studiously avoiding.

The wounded bits. The painful areas. The things you don’t want to look at or touch.

No matter how painful, those things need to be acknowledged. Touched. Visited.

I tell you this: they are going to come up anyway. It’s guaranteed. It is part of the ascension process.

The light is pouring in and like the gunk in a glass, the stronger the flow, the more gunk is loosened and washed up to be examined. Felt. Dealt with. And ultimately released.

I spoke about this more in-depth in another blog post, here.

The more the difficult emotions are pushed down, the harder they pop back to the surface. Might as well deal with them when they present.

I’m honoring Twinkie (and soon Momo) by doing my best to feel my emotions.

Cry my tears. Touch the sore spots. Offer myself comfort.

anxious, fearful, unsettled

HEAL THE EXTERNAL BY HEALING THE INTERNAL

I’m shifting my gaze from the external to the internal.

I’m fixing what is at arms length knowing that will help fix the pain of others.

When I am in a lull and come up from the bottom, nose breaking the surface, floating until the next wave – I see you.

I honor your process.

I hold space with and for you.

Will you join me?

HERE'S A LITTLE GALLERY FEATURING TWINKIE and MOMO

Thanks for holding space with me.
Twinkie - Born 2009 Transitioned 3-21-2022
Momo - Born 2009 Transitioned 4-1-2022

Thank you all so much for your beautiful comments. Just wanted you to know I won’t be replying to each comment but I am taking in all the love and lovely wishes you are sending. Thank you so much for taking the time to send your love and support.

30 thoughts on “FACING DIFFICULT EMOTIONS – Dedicated to Twinkie 2009-2022”

  1. Hello Genn,
    My sincere condolences on your loss of Twinkle and Milo. I know how hard it is to lose a fur baby. My husband and I are both mediums, and my husband has experienced seeing a beloved cat after she had passed. I hope this brings some comfort to you. This post really touched my heart. Thank you for sharing it.
    Blessings,
    Kara Doherty

  2. dear Genn. all my love and sympathy to you on the
    sad passing of your darling babies. they are now your
    precious angels caring for you from beyond. xxx

  3. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, our babies are everything in our worlds. Sending radiant healing, love, light and compassion to each of you so that you may hear each others voices in ways that you understand.

    Holly

  4. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It’s always difficult to lose a furry one, or anyone for that matter. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. God bless you and hopefully the sun in your heart will be shining soon.

  5. Elizabeth kimminau

    Oh so sorry to hear this Genn. It’s so hard to lose our pups. one of the hardest things to go through. my pups are one of my greatest comforts. I’ve had six in my life. we’re down to two. 7 and 10. It just never gets easier. Sending prayers, Love and Light. ❤🕯

  6. Genn, my condolences: 1) for your loss (“Momo”) and 2) your sadness for “Twinkie” and 3) the shared traumas of the past couple of years, especially regarding the pandemic and Ukraine. Thank you for continuing your work with crystals and your blogs! We all need these supports to heal ourselves and I am very grateful.

  7. Michelle Hamady

    Oh Genn, I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through with Twinkie’s passing and Momo’s remaining treasured moments. There is nothing like the love and devotion only a dog can offer. When they leave, they take a huge piece of our hearts with them but they always give us their whole heart while they are with us. Thank you for sharing this special love with us through your post.
    Much love and gentle heart hugs to you.

  8. May God bless you and yours Genn. Thank you for celebrating their lives with love during this incredible transition. May you find Peace.

  9. Oh Genn, your vulnerability opens us all to each other’s sorrow. Thank you for expressing so deeply. I send love and vast caring.

  10. Oh my lovelies, I feel your pain .what an amazing and heart felt post. Thank you so much.
    They will, as you know, that it’s their time and you will always hold them on your hearts.

    Sending hugs, light and healing to you all
    Caz, Abraham and Mitsi xx

  11. You write so effectively. This blog speaks to me and helps me on many levels. I’m so sorry for your horrific firewalk. And so grateful you’re willing to take other’s hands to guide them through their own flames. I love you.

  12. Twinkle, came to stitch with us many times. So sorry about sweet little Twinkle. I understand the loss they are our babies.

  13. I am soo sorry for your loss (and soon, losses). I love how you are showing the way in how to be present with uncomfortable feelings and how they can be a vehicle for greater healing (beyond ourselves). Sending much love….
    -Wendy

  14. Awww…they are so sweet! I have read or listened to several of the plethora of books out there this past year by the growing field of Animal Communicators and there is a pretty solid consensus that they stay with us even after they have crossed over; so I hope that you are talking to Twink because it would probably make her happy. And I totally agree with everything you have said here from my own experience. I have experienced the most heart opening and healing from the loss of my dogs and a couple of cats. The last dog was especially hard, which surprised me, but I realized that there are different lessons with each one and I agree that recognizing and embracing those lessons was a way of honoring them for me. I framed an 8 X 10 of Harry and put it in my altar area with all of my other spiritual paraphernalia that helps me focus when I meditate and it helps me center in my heart. I treat it like a photo of a spiritual master teacher. I wish you well and thanks for your contribution to our collective unity. We do all need to make our unique contribution at this time more than ever I feel.

    1. Thank you for your comment, Karen! I agree that our beloved pets are INDEED Master Teachers. I had a dream visit from Twink 2 days after and it did soothe my heart. I know she’s still here, just in a different form. I know what you mean about being surprised by how hard certain losses hit us. I, too, was surprised by the depth of grief I experienced with Twink’s transition. Maybe Twink and Harry can hang out until we see them again. Much love to you

  15. SHARI LEE HRABEC

    Heartsick hearing you are going through this … I lost two Labs just a few weeks apart so fully
    understand the pain and love loss. Yes I did go get a new Lab puppy soon after the second one
    left us and it helped very much!! He is at my side even now too….. your blog did give me much
    to think about as well. I send love and blessings to both of you as you go through this time.

    Hugs,
    Shari

  16. Christine Goldman

    Dear Genn, I am truly sorry to hear about Twinkie’s passing and Momo illness. The blog post was sad at first then you had me thinking what my healer has always says “heal yourself first “ then watch the ripple effect it has. May Twinkie’s Angel wings fly high as she continues to watch over you💗
    May the light that shines on your path continue wherever it may lead you, Namaste

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